phik

Jacob is excited to be in Toronto after pulling an all-nighter not driving

sigh. I was getting ready to have a bowl of CTC before my first meeting this morning, when I found — in the parlance of this incredible book about the Federal Reserve that I’m reading — another market signal. A trailing indicator of my idiocy, if you will.

I’m deeply concerned about this nation’s dependence on foreign energy sources, so in the interest of doing my share of self-sacrifice, I left the fridge door ajar all night. Maybe half an inch. Despite the fact that this barely qualifies as ajar at all — and I really want someone to explain this to me — the inside of the fridge was by far the warmest place in the house. Simon was camped out in there, sleeping on a wrapped slab of bacon. The milk was the temperature of really excellent bathwater. That’s how warm it was in there.

It (the milk) was spoiled of course, and I’m not speaking rhetorically about the fact that milk is disgusting and comes for all intents and purposes pre-spoiled directly from the grocery store, I mean it was actually straining against the plastic, threatening to vote or perhaps even run in the next local election. I bought this milk just yesterday, by the way.

I’m staring into the headlights of my mother’s 50th birthday, which was last Wednesday, so perhaps I’m actually staring into the reverse lights. You know how sometimes you forget someone’s special day, or you neglect to congratulate them on a recent win, and the longer it goes on, the harder it is to overcome? Like maybe you’ll just catch them next year? That’s where I’m at. I’m going to make it up to her, and at the same time provide much needed economic stimulus, by surprising her with large new kitchen appliances. Not just one. That’s how good a son I am. Tell your 21-to-34-year-old daughters. This one’s a keeper.

I bought a Nintendo DS while I was in Ohio for Thanksgiving. I don’t really have time to expound the way I’d like — I have an extremely important yet largely unfinished presentation looming over my head — but you go get yourself a copy of Mario Kart DS and Warioware Touched. Then we will speak, as men do.