phik

This morning’s shower was an absolute fiasco. It becomes totally clear that you are exhausted beyond reason when you can no longer manage this simple and most repetitive of daily tasks.

My first clue was when I was having real trouble working up a lather. I wasn’t trying to wash my hair with conditioner, that’s an amateur mistake. No, I was trying to wash it with hand lotion.

Second, the faucet. I am not an ignorant man. I’m somewhat well-travelled, across what I think is an interesting cross-section of global cultures. I have never in my entire life, anywhere on your planet Earth encountered shower faucet knobs that turn clockwise to make more hot or cold water appear. They’re also pretty sensitive — don’t turn them sharply, no sir. That all being said, I’m also reasonably on top of my game, so I can probably remember this fact for more than 45 seconds.

No, wrong. Halfway through my shower things are getting a little warmer than they need to be, so I’ll just adjust it a tad, and jesus christ make the pain stop but the knob also fell off and now it won’t go back on and the searing water, she burns, so I have to jump through the shower curtain to save myself. This could have gone better. A large percentage of my skin is peeling now.