After a week of working almost every day from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep 17 hours later, I really just wanted to get some sleep on the plane. Instead, I have to contend with a completely hysterical child, accompanied by its completely inert parent. This toddler is in a total frenzy, screaming the same unintelligible words over and over again, snot all over its face, coughing because it won’t take a breath or swallow the post-nasal drip, while the father sits there dumbfounded. Forget about arming pilots; instead, let’s allow flight attendants to push meds. You better believe that I’m going to have valium on hand if I’m ever dumb enough to have a kid.
One for baby, one for daddy. Everybody calm down.
Now that I’m wide the fuck awake, I discover that there’s not even any power on this aircraft. In my experience, United is not exactly packing the passengers into first class these days, and that’s basically the only amenity for which I regularly upgrade domestically. The dumb thing is that this plane is equipped for it; all of these seats have power outlets, there’s just a cover screwed over them. Is this some ridiculous false-economy of a cost-cutting measure? Maybe I can find someone who knows, but I sincerely doubt it.
And I have to work most or all of the weekend, while everyone else takes 3 or 4 days off. I am going to be Mister fucking Sunshine when I arrive. I’m sure Chris and Patrice will be thrilled to have me.
