phik

I spent 4 hours on the phone this afternoon trying to resolve my laptop issues with Dell. It’s all very simple, really, and everyone that I speak to would love to help me, but there are some fundamental problems, like the fact that I bought it in Canada.

I spoke with no fewer than 5 different departments at Dell, and they each had a different address and phone number for me. They had addresses from Ottawa, Montreal, Pittsburgh, Ohio, and New Jersey, and, laughingly, wanted to use my address to verify my identity. At any rate, I think I may have almost sorted things out, and will perhaps even get my laptop fixed.

At times like these, when people gush “Oh just buy a Thinkpad, they’re so great” without remembering that I am a seasoned Thinkpad veteran, I find it appropriate to re-post the IBM Thinkpad Drinking Game:

• If the bios lies to you about the size of your hard disk, take a shot.
• Every time your machine hangs on suspend, take a shot.
• Every time your machine unsuspends correctly, but the keyboard doesn’t work, take a shot.
• Every time you hit F1 when you mean Esc, because they’re in the wrong places, take a shot.
• Every time you ponder the technological feats required to make two compatible battery bays, take a shot.
• Every time you remove one of the batteries expecting the other battery to keep the machine powered, finish the bottle.
• Every time you remove the battery expecting the AC power adapter to power your laptop and it shuts off, finish the bottle and have another.
• Every time your Thinkpad destroys a battery because it over-charges it, finish the bottle.
• If you ordered that replacement battery from the Accessories Department instead of the Parts Department, and were thus charged double the price, finish the bottle.

  And, no doubt Shaver’s favourite:

• If your hard drive dies because IBM is too cheap to use their own fucking disks, finish the bottle, break it on your desk, and slit your throat.